Introducing Animely

The time has come. The long-awaited new version of Taiga is here! Without further ado, we’d like to share some of the most exciting new features it brings about, and other highlights:

• Following the latest trends in Silicon Valley a couple of years behind, we’ve decided to rename “Taiga” to “Animely”. We feel extremely lucky to be able to acquire anime.ly before anyone else, as we formerly thought that it was nigh impossible in this day and age where every address between aaaaa.ly to zzzzz.ly is considered to be taken by either aspiring startups or greedy opportunists (besides, “Animeify” didn’t sound right and we couldn’t even pronounce “Animeous”).

• Downloading torrents is time and again proven to be killing industries, discouraging artists, and indirectly hurting the Internets by sacrificing kittens, baby pandas and other cute stuff. This is why torrents in Animely are no more. You wouldn’t download a car, would you? Instead, from now on, you’re going to be able to buy pricey BD/DVDs with almost-reasonable discounts. We promise not to disclose your shopping habits to third parties, not including the ones we already have an agreement with. And the government, of course.

• If you’re one of those people who want to build just another cool website for anime, this might be your lucky day: We will be distributing the entire AniDB and MyAnimeList databases along with Animely, for free! However, since we felt rather sorry for them, we decided to develop a virtually uncrackable format to store their content in. So don’t get your hopes high, kids (but you can always try XOR’ing it with “RANDOM_STRING”).

• Animely comes with deep social integration. It automatically shares every single episode you watch, with your friends. Including hentai. By default. You can turn this off from privacy settings, which doesn’t do much except creating a false sense of control in you. We believe this won’t be an issue for you or your friends, as you’re supposed to be some shut-in who doesn’t have many friends anyway.

• We weren’t kidding with the last one. Animely can and will change your relationship status on Facebook according to the last anime you watched. For instance, right after you finish watching K-On!, one of the members from the light music club will be instantly set as your waifu. This feature is supported by our unprecedented moe-blob detection technology (patent pending) that is able to discern your interests with high confidence by observing your reactions. If you don’t have a webcam installed, one of the heroines will be pseudo-randomly selected.

• We are pleased to offer you the FREE Animely(TM) Toolbar, which is going to come back no matter how many times you uninstall it (this is a feature — we sincerely believe that you need it, even if you think you don’t). It provides a fast and easy way to search and make decisions, as well as up-to-the-minute headlines at the click of a button. Note that by installing the Animely Toolbar, you agree to our service agreement and privacy statements. Don’t worry, we made sure they’re written in a manner far beyond your comprehension.

Click here to download Animely! And as always, feel free to let us know¹ what you think about our product!